You Know You Love Me

new

2004-06-22T12:28:00.000-04:00

Yes. I got a new online journal. But it's so much better!! It's a Xanga journal! The link is below! I'll try to update this one too, but what's the point when I've got that one?! Lmao I'll try and stick with this Xanga journal for more than a month.

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=FallingxFromxGrace

blech

2004-06-19T21:50:00.000-04:00

It hasn't really been a good day...I miss Laura. I don't know what the hell is going on with her anymore and...grrr.

Family's visiting today and it's pissing me the fuck off. I like being alone..or having my own space. Melody and Aunt Carol have gotten into a fight and it just....gah! I don't know damnit. I just don't know who to go to...Brian first popped into head...like I automatically started walking out of my house to go to his...but I stopped and just went back inside. I don't want to make the same mistake twice. It wouldn't be worth it. I'm deadly tired too. I keep getting dizzy every few minutes and I don't know why.

And Melody keeps talking to me. I feel like going to bed lmfao...it's that torturing.

Hey Brandon...wanna play frottage with me?

Roflmfao oh God that was great. I was laughing. I love saying that now. It's almost like Laurne and wanting to talk about sex.

Much love

Thirteen

2004-06-17T04:11:00.000-04:00

So yes. According to the title of this update...I was finally able to watch Thirteen!!! OMFG IT'S THE BEST MOVIE I LOVED EVERY PART! I'm pissed off that Evie would stab Tracy in the back by saying everything she did was learned from her. That's total bullshit. Oh and then I started crying. The end was great but made me cry. When Tracey's mom pulled back the arm of her shirt to show her scars. Wow. I'm gonna hafta watch it again soon.

So yea...leaving messages on Laurne and Kayla's phones are great. I love it lmfao. Laurne's laugh is fucking adorable, and the way Kayla talkes is adorable. Awwww. The powdered toast man is coming to get me and I'm hiding from eem! Teehee!

Was finally able to submit my thing for the AS yearbook! Woot!

Something's wrong with Laura and she won't tell me. I've been kinda holding back from her for some reason. I think I'm just totally distracted with mIRC and shit like that lmao. Being oblivious to things when I shouldn't be. Gotta make a mental note to see what's going on with her.

I was going to post a poem but it won't post on here for some reason.

Much love

The truth within a sentence

2004-06-15T03:26:00.000-04:00

Today was eventful.

I went in early to school because my sister had to go in early. I spent morning exam in Mrs. Dowd's room with Anna, Justin, Dylan, and Nicole. Poor Justin slammed his head into the steel staircase and thought Anna had thrown a chair at him. It was great. I'm laughing just typing it out.

After that I had my French exam. I think I passed it. It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be and I did great on the speaking part. So then I came home lol. We're moving into the house next door towards the end of July. Funny isn't it? lol. But it's bigger and I'll be getting the basement.

Work was....not cool. Not cool at all. I don't like birthday kisses when it's from someone I don't like. Eh. It doesn't matter.

Erfy's poetry blows me away. It seriously does. I'm hooked on it. I've printed out all the ones she's posted. I like to reread them. That's for you Erfy and don't you dare argue!

Ok so now I'm 17. Well..not officially. I will be officially 17 at 11:56am. That's when I was born. Anyways..have a look at what I wrote after my exam. I had some time left.

The Truth Within A Sentence

I can get over you.
Get over you; Can I?

I am fine without you.
Am I fine without you?

I didn't care for you anyways.
Anyways, didn't I care for you?

You're not hurting me, you're only hurting yourself.
You're hurting only me, you're not hurting yourself.

Forget you! I don't miss you.
And you don't forget, I miss you.

Lmfao It's so....ehhy. But yea lol. Short little thing from me.

Much love

THERE ERFY! I UPDATED!

Blood Stained Memories

2004-06-13T10:46:00.000-04:00

Writing poetry again

Blood Stained Memories

It's todays tears,
that will feed tomorrow's dreams.
Yeah, it's yesterday's pain,
that makes us stronger once again.

It's morning sunshine,
that reminds us of the flames.
Yeah, those same flames,
that leave our dreams in dust.

You were the blood in my veins,
but when you pulled out my heart,
like a river you flowed out of me,
and left me stained in my lifes water.

When you give your heart, the only way you get it back is in pieces.
When you fall in love you have everything to lose.
You shattered my soul and left it's jagged edges to cut my insides.
All I'm left with now are blood stained memories.

*

Crimson Sky, Never Goodbye

I don't want to follow in your footsteps.
I don't need to breathe the air you breathe.
I don't want to stare the color from your iris,
to fall into the dark endless void of your eyes.

I don't want to walk in your shadow,
and I don't need to live in your light.
I don't want to be born in your dreams,
to live inside your nightmares,
and die in your mind.

Maybe I'm just an insignificant life form,
just a meager, incomplete little girl...
bounded by your hypnotizing stare,
imprisoned by your counterfeit charm.

Prayers of love, laced with poison.
Lips of deceit, my pseudo goodnight kiss from you.
Promises of faith, drowned in paraffin.
Words of allure, my only salvation from the flames.
Crimson Sky, never goodbye.

Bleh

2004-06-13T00:43:00.000-04:00

Stole this from Kayla's journal lmfao I'm bored and it looks fun.

What is your full name:: Megan Irene
Spell your first name backwards:: nagem
Date of birth:: June 15, 1987
Male or female:: female
Astrological sign:: Gemini
Nicknames:: meg, meggy, mommy (lol Carly) mooface(brandon lmao) CCG(I'm so not going to say what that means lmfao)
Occupation:: Student and waitress
Height:: 5'1
Weight:: ehhh
Hair color:: blonde and black
Eye color:: blue
Where were you born:: Alaska
Where do you reside now:: Virginia
Age:: 16 soon to be 17
Screen names:: SweetBrokenDream
E-mail addy:: hehe
What does your screen name stand for:: Uhhh Even though you can have a sweet dream, it can still get broken...something like that.
Pets:: two gerbils (Stuart Little and Buster) two cats (Ricky and Tucker) and two dogs (Lucky and Beau)
Number of candles you blew out on your last birthday cake:: 16
Piercings:: two in each ear
Tattoo's:: nope..but I want to get one
Shoe size:: 7
Righty or lefty:: righty
Wearing:: my jammies!
Hearing:: it's quiet
Feeling:: tired and hungry
Eating/drinking:: About to eat some ice cream!

Guys/Girls/Love/Kissing/And Other Stuff

Have you ever been in love:: No
How many people have you said:: I don't get it
How many people have you been in REAL love with:: zero
How many people have you kissed:: lol! we're supposed to keep count? what if you can't count that high? lmao
Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex:: yep
How many people have you dated:: a few
What do you look for in a guy/girl:: personality, sense of humor, caring, oh and it helps if they're at least cute lol
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex:: Eyes
What type of guy/girl do you usually go for:: someone who makes me laugh a lot lol..and we all know how hard that is /sarcasm
Do you have a crush right now:: yep
If so who is it::
Do you believe in love at first sight:: Yup
Do you remember your first love:: Not love..crush is more like it..yes I do.
Who is the first person you kissed:: His name was David
Do you believe in fate:: yep
Do you believe in soul mates:: yep
If so do you believe you'll ever find yours:: I hope I do

Family Stuff

How many siblings do you have:: 4
What are your siblings names:: Nichole, Brianna, Danny, and Eric
What are your parents names:: Barry and Patti
How many siblings does your mother have:: 2...used to have 3 but Uncle Eddie died when he was 21 I think.
How many siblings does your father have:: 2
Where are your parents from:: My dad's from California and my mom is from Rhode Island
Is your family close:: I don't get this question. It can be taken a lot of ways.
Does your family get together for holidays:: Yep
Do you have a drunk uncle:: WEIRD! I DO! HIS NAME IS UCLE BILLY!
Any medical problems run through your family:: Of course
Does someone in your family wear a toupee:: Holy not that I know of
Do you have any nieces or nephews:: Uhhh
Are your parents divorced:: yep
Do you have step parents:: technically yes..but since he adopted us to have his last name...no
Has your family ever disowned another member of your family:: LMAO no pmsl
Did some of your family come to America from another country:: I have no clue

Music Stuff

What song do you swear was written about you or your life:: That's really a dumb question because there's so many...One that pops into my head at the moment is Unforgiven by Fefe Dobson. Reminds me of my biological dad because the whole song is true.
What's the most embarrassing cd you own:: Good Charlotte
What's the best cd you own:: Avril Lavigne "UMS" Lostprophets "Start Something" AFI "Sing The Sorrow" Britney Spears "In The Zone" Goo Goo Dolls "Dizzy Up The Girl" Three Days Grace, Fefe Dobson, Story Of The Year "Page Avenue" Dashboard Confessional "A Mark A Mission A Brand A Scar" and a fuckload more
What song do you absolutely hate:: there's so many
Do you sing in the shower:: lol yes
What song reminds you of that special someone:: Fall To Pieces // Avril Lavigne

Okay, I Name An Artist And You Give A Lyric From Any One Of Their Songs!

Pink:: Why was I the last to know that you weren't coming to my show you coulda called up to say good luck you couldna called me back you stupid fuck
Aerosmith:: just push play
Madonna:: like a virgin...touched for the very first time! lmfao
Korn:: i don't listen to vegatables
Backstreet Boys:: all you people can't you see can't you see how your love's affecting our reality every time we're down you can make it right and that makes you larger than life
The Beatles:: I wanna hold your hand...
J.Lo:: Used to have a little now I have a lot, no matter where I go, I know where I came from...
*Nsync:: Your love is like a river Peaceful and deep Your soul is like a secret That I could never keep
Limp Bizkit:: Yeah This time I'm 'a let it all come out This time I'm 'a stand up and shout I'm 'a do things my way It's my way My way, or the highway
Stacie Orrico:: Well I'll be there when you call me in the middle of the night well I'll keep the rain from falling down into your eyes, I promise, I promise I promise I will
Creed:: Hello my friend we meet again It’s been a while where should we begin…feels like forever Within my heart are memories Of perfect love that you gave to me I remember
Britney Spears:: Media over here Coming through like a world premiere Trenchcoat and my underwear Let's go with this freak show
Good Charlotte:: Hold on if you feel like letting go
Christina Aguilera:: young girl don't cry i'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Eminem:: guess who's back guess who's back guess who's back
Kelly Clarkson:: some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this
Kelly Osbourne:: Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep...
Mandy Moore:: I wanna be with you if only for a night to be the one who's in your arms and hold you tight
Eve:: Drop ya glasses, shake ya asses, face screwed up like you having hot flashes omfg i love that song
Aaliyah:: Dust yourself off and try again..
Nelly:: I'm going down down baby your street in a range rover...
Alicia Keys:: I keep on fallin' in and out of love with you
Incubus:: I wish you were here...

Favorites

Color:: black/red/pink
Food:: pizza
Song:: holy shit please don't ask me that I can't name them all
Show:: The Real World!
School subject:: English
Band/singer/artist:: Avril Lavigne, Goo Goo Dolls, Yellowcard, Green Day, Dashboard Confessional, Story of the Year, Sugarcult, AFI, Lostprophets, Pink, The Rasmus, Fefe Dobson, REM, Blink 182, Sum-41, Three Days Grace, Simple Plan, Pearl Jam, Our Lady Peace, GOB, All-American Rejects, The Used, Link Park, Evanescence, NOFX, INXS, Less Than Jake, Something Corporate, Finch, Alkaline Trio, Brand New, Matchbook Romance, New Found Glory, Thursday, Anti-Flag, Autopilot Off, Avenged Sevenfold, Smile Empty Soul, shall I continue?
Animal:: horse
Outfit:: *hums theme to mission impossible*
Radio station:: 99.3 or hot 99.5
Movie:: Mean Girls
Pair of shoes:: my cons!
Cartoon:: none lol
Actor:: Ashton Kutcher, Jim Carey
Actress:: Sandra Bullock, Brittany Murphy
Potato chip:: Doritos!
Drink:: As Kayla said...I'm taking this one as alcohol...tequila, vodka, and bacardi silver..that's all i can think of at the moment...it's near 2 in the morning
Soda:: cherry coke
Holiday:: Christmas!
Perfume/cologne:: Adidas...Gucci Rush...
Pizza topping:: cheese
Jello flavor:: EWWWWW I HATE JELLO
Lunch meat:: turkey!
Card Game:: Poker...Canasta..I'm real good in that.
Video game:: Resident Evil, Tony Hawk
Website:: AS!
Book:: Gossip Girls and The A-List books
Computer game:: uhhhh
Number:: 6
Cereal:: Cinnamon Toast Crunch!
Comedian:: it doesn't take much to send me in fits of laughter.
Dessert:: chocolate ice cream
Disney character:: I don't know lmao
Clothing store:: Hot Topic, Pac Sun...other stores lmfao
Past time:: right
Teacher:: Mrs. Elder! Awww I was her favorite student
Childhood toy:: I had a Jasmine barbie doll! Aww it was the best
Candy bar:: Twix and Kit Kat
Magazine:: Teen People...but it's not my favorite
Salad dressing:: Ranch
Thing to do on the weekend:: sleep
Hot drink:: hot chocolate!
Season:: fall
Sport to watch:: Hockey and baseball
Person to talk to online:: Bebe, Rush, Kayla, Carly, Whit, Laura, Brandon, Crys, Chris, Meli, Laurne and a shitload more.

Your Bedroom/Sleeping Habits

What color are your sheets:: pink, blue and green with horses on it lol
What color are your bedroom walls:: white
Do you have posters on your wall:: tons
If so of what:: people
Do you have a tv in your bedroom:: now i do yes!
How many pillows are on your bed:: 4
What do you normally sleep in?:: nothing
Describe your favorite pair of pajamas:: well..if i absolutely have to sleep in something...then it's a tank top and boxers
What size bed do you have:: it's a full
Do you have a waterbed/bunkbed/daybed:: right now..it's a lofted bed..i'm getting a regular one in july..finally
Do you have your own phone line in your bedroom:: *sigh* no
Describe the last nightmare you had:: I don't normally have dreams lmao and when I do I don't remember them
Do you sleep with stuffed animals:: Only one and that's the one Laura gave me to me
How many people can comfortably sleep comfortably in your bed:: Me since it's lofted lmao...but once I get my regular bed...teehee!
Any unusual sleeping positions:: I sleep
Do you have to share your bedroom with a sibling:: Thank fucking God no
Do you snore:: No
How about drool:: Sometimes and it's so annoying
Do you have an alarm clock in your room:: Yea but I don't use it lmao
What color is the carpet in your room:: Whiteish grayish
What's under your bed:: My computer...Remember it's a lofted bed and underneath is a desk...lol

What Is Your Opinion Of The Following

Eminem:: He's hot
Virgins:: Just haven't found the one yet
God:: Needs to prove himself
The Osbournes:: Get a fucking grip
Reality TV:: It's like wanting to rip your eyes out
J.Lo:: Her hobby should be getting married
Religion:: Whatever pops your tart
Emo music:: Nice to listen to when you're feeling blue
Valentine's Day:: So fucking pointless!
Christina Aguilera's comeback:: What comeback?
Homosexuals:: What about them?
Abortion:: Definitely a no-no
Inter-racial relationships:: Don't care.
Murder:: can't be forgiven
Death:: Seems scary at times
Obesity:: Hard question
Pre-marital sex:: As long as you're using protection
Terrorism:: no comment
Pornography:: LMAO
Fortune Tellers:: Can burn in hell for all I care
Threesomes:: Whit lmfao
Prostitution:: Stupid
Politics:: Not evan gonna go there.
Country music:: Dixie Chicks and Garth Brooks..otherwise no
George W. Bush:: G DUBBYA...he can burn in hell too
Cloning:: Uncalled for.
Britney's boobs:: I wonder how much she spent on them

What do YOU think?

Gas prices in America:: SO FUCKING GAY! It's ridiculous how much it costs now.

Have You Ever...

Mooned anyone:: Of course lol
Been on a diet:: Yea
Been to a foreign country:: No
Broken a bone:: Nope
Swallowed a tooth/cap/filling:: No
Sworn at a teacher:: Lmao yes!
Got in a fight:: Plenty of times
Dated a teacher:: Ew no.
Laughed so hard you peed your pants:: It's gotten to the point where I need to watch out lmao.
Thought about killing your enemy:: Yea
Gone skinny dipping:: Yep
Told a little white lie:: Lol oh yea
Told a secret you swore not to tell:: Yep..then I felt all guilty
Stolen anything:: Roflmfao yes
Misused a swear word and it sounded absolutely stupid:: That happens quite a lot to me
Been on TV:: Yup
Been on the radio:: Ya!
Been in a mosh pit:: Lol yah!
Been to a concert:: Yes
Dated one of your best friends:: nope
Loved someone so much it makes you cry::
Deceived somebody close to you::: Eh
Broken the law:: lmfao oh ya
Been to a rodeo:: no..my parents have
Been on a talk show:: uh no
Been on a game show:: nope
Been on an airplane:: yes
Got to ride on a firetruck:: Aww yes!! When I was in kindergarten! I got to sit up in the front seat on my teachers lap and ring the bell...while everyone else had to sit in the back!
Came close to dying:: fuck yes
Cheated on a bf/gf:: no
Gave someone a piggy back ride:: lmao yea
Terrorized a babysitter:: oh gosh yes
Made a mud pie:: no
Had a dream that you're falling off a cliff:: yep
Snuck out of the house at night:: lots of times
Been so drunk you don't remember your name:: yea lmfao that was great
Had an eating disorder:: not really
Felt like you didn't belong:: of course
Felt like the 3rd wheel:: yea
Smoked:: no
Done drugs:: no
Been arrested:: no
Had your tonsils removed:: lol nope
Gone to camp:: no!
Won a bet:: ya! i love winning bets
Written a love letter:: *sigh* unfortunately no
Gone out of your way to be with the one you love:: aww no
Written a love poem:: yes
Kissed in the rain:: awwwww no but I wanna!
Slow danced with someone you love:: nuh huh
Participated in an orgy:: ROFLMFAO!!!! not yet lmao
Faked an orgasm:: yea...As Kayla said...truth or dare..lmao i love that game
Stolen a kiss:: no! that's mean!
Asked a friend for relationship advice:: yea
Had a friend steal your bf/gf:: no
Watched the sunset/rise with someone you love:: hmph no
Gotten a speeding ticket:: damnit no
Done jail time:: NO
Had to wear a uniform to work:: i do have to wear a uniform to work
Won a trophy:: yep
Thrown up in public:: Does parties count?
Bowled a perfect game:: Hell no
Failed/got held back:: yea...3rd grade when I was in a private catholic school. it sucked
Got perfect attendance in grade school:: roflmfao no
Roasted pumpkin seeds:: nope
Taken ballet/karate lessons:: I always wanted to take ballet when I was a little girl but I didn't get a chance to
Attempted suicide:: yea
Cut yourself:: yep

Childhood Stuff

Did you play with Barbies/G.I. Joes:: Aww ya lol
Did you own Treasure Trolls: OMG YES!
Did you watch Beverly Hills 90210:: Lmao no
Did you play Simon Says:: Yep
Did you watch Fraggle Rock:: No..I hated that show.
Did you wet the bed:: Nope. I was perfect like that.
Did you believe there were monsters in your closet or under your bed:: Yep!
Did you wear the underwear with the days of the week on them:: lol Ya!
Were you shy:: I was very shy...I don't know why happened!
Were you spoiled:: No
Were you abused:: Emotionally yes.
Did you go to the circus:: Once. Never again though. Those poor animals.
Did you go to the zoo:: Yea
Were you in a car accident:: Yep
Did you build snowmen:: Ya
Did you cry when you scraped your knee:: Of course
Were your older cousins mean to you:: No
Did you think slinkies were cool:: Lol ya it used to entertain me for hours
Did you think the Ninja Turtles really lived in the sewer:: Those turtles were great.
Were you afraid of the dark:: Yea
Did you have slumber parties:: Sometimes
Did you have New Kids on the Block sheets, pillows, pajamas, sleeping bag? Ew no.
Did you tease your hair out like Tiffany:: huh?
Did you believe in the Easter Bunny/Santa Claus/ and the Tooth Fairy:: yeah!

Randomness

Do you believe in aliens:: We can't be the only ones in this universe. It's too big to be alone.
Name three things that are next to your computer:: clock, money, perfume.
Do you have any hidden talents:: lmao
Do you wish MTV would play music videos:: Fucking hell yes
If you were to star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be:: Maybe a comedy/drama
What would your movie star name be:: uhh i don't know
Do you play any sports:: i'm not on a team but i play sports
What's the scariest movie you've ever seen:: not sure
What is the best movie you've seen in the theater or rented recently:: Mean Girls!
What is the dumbest movie you've ever seen:: Fuck there's a lot
Do you drive:: yep
What is your dream car:: red mustang convertable or an eclipse
Do you think your good looking:: fuck no
Do others think you are good looking:: erm...yes...but i disagree
Would you ever sky dive:: holy no
Do you believe in Bigfoot:: omg no lmao
How many rooms do you have in your house:: 10
Are you afraid of roller coasters:: yes lol
Do you believe in God:: yeah
Do you believe in Satan:: yeah
Do you believe there is a heaven:: yeah
Do you believe there is a hell:: yeah
Do you own a pooltable:: grr no
Do you have a pool:: lol no
Do you have a dishwasher in your kitchen:: ya
Do you like chocolate:: love chocolate
Who/what is on your 2004 calendar:: picture of a wolf
How many U.S. states have you been to:: maybe 17 or 18
Ever wished on a shooting star:: YA!
Best Halloween costume you ever wore:: I was snow white one time! lol
Do you carry any weapons on you:: My nail filer roflmfao
What is your weakness:: I have a lot of weaknesses
Name something you can't get enough of:: Music
Describe yourself in 3 adjectives:: tired, hungry, bored
How many kids do you want to have:: 2
Future daughters names:: i'm not sure..i'm leaning towards leila
Future sons names:: andrew
What is your ideal way to die:: in my sleep
How do you release stress:: listen to music, play guitar, write
Do you consider yourself a trendy person:: uhhh
Are you an artisitic person:: yes
Are you a realistic person?:: i can be
Do you un-tie your shoes every time you take them off:: lmfao sometimes
Are you a strong person:: i think i am
Are you a strong willed person:: uhh yea
Who is the last person to e-mail you:: brandon
Who is the last person to IM you:: Whitney
Do you hate chain e-mails:: sometimes
Are you a deep sleeper:: i can be lmao
Are you a good story teller:: uh no
What do you believe is your best quality:: i'm a very sarcastic person
What is your greatest accomplishment:: ?
Do you like to burn candles or incense:: FIRE!
Do you have your own credit card:: nope
Let's say you win the lotto. What do you do with all that money?:: ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you have a check book:: nope
Do you like your drivers licence:: ya
Do you tan easily:: i don't know
What color is your hair naturally:: it's still blonde lol it's only got a little bit of black in it
How many fillings do you have:: none
How many cavities did you have at your last dentist visit:: none
Worst feeling in the world?: being alone...heartache
Best feeling in the world:: feeling loved
Is the glass half empty or half full:: I'm gonna fucking kill the person who came up with this damn question.
Last thing you downloaded:: Your Stories, My Alibis // Matchbook Romance
Do you catch yourself using online terms in your real life?:: God yes
What do you think people think of you:: I could really care less what other people think about me
Are you a likeable person:: I think I am lol
Do you need therapy:: roflmfao
Do you take medication for a chemical imbalance:: huh? i'm manic depressive and i have to take shit for that..otherwise no lol
Do you love your bf/gf:: *gets out pitchfork*
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge would they call it FED UP:: OMFG THAT'S A GREAT IDEA! I LOVE IT!
When are you moving:: this is a freaky question...middle of july or at the beginning of august.
What's your favorite phrase:: whatthefuckever, gah, seriously, whatever i do what i want

My Stage

2004-06-13T00:27:00.000-04:00

My Stage

This stage is warped.
Stained with experience...
worn and broken.
Too many tragic acts played out.
It once was grand;
Innocence hiding cracks,
it never seemed to wear.
But the cracks were always there.
Actors playing their parts,
worthy of awards.
Their costumes hiding the reality
of lies which filled their words.
But I played my role as well...
In search of great reviews
until the day my mask was removed.
Now forced to face this hell
with reality at my feet.
The pain is all I feel.
The actors weren't acting.
The stories were all real.
This stage is damaged.
The actors...not so great.
They lie, hurt and cheat.
Guess they were acting just like me.

Between This City Skyline

2004-06-11T13:09:00.000-04:00

Wow. I've written a lot of poems lately! lol Dunno why. I have to work today...4:30-closing. Hrmph. Laurne is going to Kansas. I'm gonna miss that smartass but luckily she's coming back Sunday! yay!!! Lol At 2 I'm going to work to pick up my check and cash it. Today's my dad's birthday. He's getting old! Lmao. We're going to celebrate it tomorrow night since I've got work today and tomorrow 11:30am-4:30 *sigh*

Between This City Skyline

Your eyes followed me out the door,
and your voice rang out on the edge of town.
Between this city skyline
I watched the sun die,
swallowed up in the traffic.
I left to die with the sun,
to be forgotten.
To fade away into the evening dew,
into the shadows,
and into the wind.

^It's not much, but sometimes little things like that just need to be written down.

Like Burnt Paper

My world crumbled today
like burnt paper.
It had looked so solid--
frail, but like it could survive.
And then I watched
as, at my touch,
it lost its shape and form
and crumbled into cinders.
And I just stared,
as my charred world fell to ashes.

Lying on my bed
of burnt laughter and dream-cinders,
my face as ashen
as my surroundings,
I took a deep breath,
(the air was all smokey)
shakily stood up,
and dusted myself off.

I whispered
to the condemning silence,
"I'll be okay.
I can deal.
I can cope."

I begun to walk away
on unsteady feet
with bitten lip and shadowed eye
murmering again,
"I can cope."

And, do you know,
it was the oddest thing--
There wasn't a person in sight
yet I heard a soft voice say,
"No, you can't."

Startled, I replied
through a mouthful of bitter ash,
"Yes, I can!
I can always cope!"

The only response was a quiet laugh
and a hiss of, "No."

Angry now, I cried,
"I can cope!"

...but the only reply
was a laugh, almost kind.

With a sigh,
I combed the ash
of a cremated world
out of my hair,
and rinsed the ash out of my mouth
and wiped the ash off of my face.

The silence continued to condemn.

And as I rubbed the last cinder off,
I whispered hoarsely,
"Do you know,
I'm starting to get
just a little bit tired
of pretending that I can still cope."

I'm not sure what exactly made me write that, but I did and it's finished which is all that really matters, even if it sucks lol.

Much love

Find yourself

2004-06-10T13:06:00.000-04:00

So you go and make it happen|Do your best just keep on laughin|I'm tellin you there's always a brand new day

~Who Knows // Avril Lavigne

That's the best song to listen to when you're feeling blue..I swear it is. It always cheers me up a little!

Things have been pretty rough this past week. Brandons off to find himself and I hope he does. I love him and I hope he comes back soon because it's just not the same. I've been writing poems like crazy lately and I think they're okay lol. Ummm yah. I took my English exam today and it was pretty easy. I passed it because he graded it after I turned it in. No school for me tomorrow. I do have to go in late on Monday though and then I'm completely finished! I'm so fucking scared about Algebra lmfao. I didn't turn in a couple last homework assignments and I already have a D in there. So I probably have to take summer school...Which will fucking suck major ass. God I hope I don't have to. I can't wait to get my report card in the mail. I'm so nervous about it. I really don't want to take summer school. That'll ruin everything. My whole summer will be gone.

*sigh* I worry too much. Anyways...here's a poem I wrote for someone:

Immortal Ink

You've written your way into my world.
Grown inside my words
Penned poems for me
Spun stories round me
Evoked epics in me
Told tales with me
Until and in
Immortal ink...
Your beautiful name.

Ya it's not much but whatever. It'll do I think. This whole Algebra thing has got me freaked out now. Hrmph. Not much else to write. I'll update later though.

I think this is appropriate lol..Only one person will get it...

Stay With Me

Once again yoru eyes make it hard to say goodbye
so I'll just keep driving.
Where do you wanna go?
It doesn't really matter as long as you are here with me.
with me
with me

Whoa, there's something in the air tonight
something that makes me feel alive and I say
Whoa, what were the words that you said to me
that made me feel so special now

Once again your eyes make it hard to ask you why
so I sit here knuckles tight
hands against the wheel
your head against the glass and you mean so much to me
to me
to me

Whoa, there's something in the air tonight
something that makes me feel alive and I say
Whoa, what were the words that you said to me
that made me feel so special now

whoa(stay with me)
whoa(stay with me)
whoa(stay with me)
whoa(stay)
stay with me
Cigarettes and open air, hand in hand
I said stay with me
cuz every star that I see is brighter than the last
so stay with me

Much love

eek

2004-06-07T18:58:00.000-04:00

I haven't been very good at keeping this lol. I've been busy with my weedweb one. I'm still trying to convert people over there to bloggism. I've got Crys blogged...now onto Kayla, Carly, Laura, Brandon, Meli, Chris...and other people who I forget...Sorry! Lol. Anyways, if you want to know what's happened today...go read it over there because I don't feel like rewriting it.

Sick

2004-05-30T22:38:00.000-04:00

Meh I've been sick ever since Thursday. I hate being sick and I find it weird because I haven't been sick at all this past winter. But trust me to catch a cold at the start of summer. Today hasn't really been eventful to say the least. Nothing much happened. My family and I did go out to the movies to see Shrek 2. I'm sure it was hilarious, but for some reason, no parts made me laugh. I faked a laugh here and there, but other than that...no. Maybe it's because I'm sick? I dunno. I found it to be strange. I usually laugh at the smallest things. *cough* If anyone replies to that with a smartass comment...

I'm becoming really emotional and I don't know why. I think I do...but then I don't because I have 10 more days to go til...that time. Ladies know all about it. I love saying that word lol. Ladies. I think it's really cute. Carly has exams Tuesday and everytime she's on she's studying, and I hope she passes all of them. I know she will because she's one smart cookie and I love her to death!

Today was the first day in like....four days I think that I talked to Laura. I guess we're both just really busy. Lol. Right. I hardly get on MSN anymore and that's because of work, and because I've been sick. Meh I dunno. I hope that we talk more though. I have a feeling tomorrow will be another day where we don't talk because I have to drop my brother off at the airport in Richmond and that's about an hour's drive there, and an hour's drive back, and then I have to go to work at 3. I wish I could get someone to cover for me again, but I need the money.

I want to be 18 so badly. Which reminds me...happy birthday Brandon! lol. But yea. I seriously need to get away from here. Nothing bad has happened...but it's just time to go some place new. Some place better than where I'm at now. I wonder how Chris, Crys, and Meli are doing. I haven't talked to them in about a month and a half which really makes me sad.

The ex keeps visiting me. I don't answer the door though and I think it's starting to piss him off because he'll just stay there for like an hour or two and just knock. But he only does it when no one else is home. He must have great timing. It amuses me, yet at the same time, scares me. He could easily come in if he wanted to but I guess the thought of two big dogs guarding the house scares him a little. *sigh* But there's only so much knocking one can take before you feel like you just want to fucking scream and kill someone. I'm gonna answer the door. I can't begin to imagine what he must want.

Much love

,,,,

2004-05-26T18:56:00.000-04:00

Something I wrote today in school for the hell of it...It's really stupid:

As I watch the colors of the sunset play with the shadows of the coming night, I can't help but think about my life and how much I've changed; How much the people around me have changed. Things have happened that made me realize I am strong, I am weak, and I can pull through.

Sometimes it's hard to open up to the one person who means everything to me, and shutting her out is my only choice. But that one person knows how to crack open my shell and crawl into my mind and soul within a matter of minutes, something that comes easily to her, but is quite a challenge for others.

I've changed. No. Not on the outside. And I guess that's why my friends have never known what I'm really capable of. I've changed on the inside. A revolution, a turning point for my thoughts, emotions and most importantly, my soul. And that's another thing. My friends have never really seen me, who I really am. They can't look into my eyes and see my core, unlike the popular saying. That immortal part of who I am, is off limits, a barrier built up over time to shield me from the fire that I know will kill me. That I know will haunt me.

I've learned that no matter how high those walls are, someone always has a way of making it tumble to the ground, leaving me with nothing more but a heap of heartache, pain and sorrow. But I've also learned a way to deal with that crumbled wall that left me exposed and seemingly helpless. And this results in the inevitable question...why? To be honest, there is no answer that will ever satisfy the human being. All I have to say, to give, is advice. Once you start trying to kill the thing on the inside, by hurting yourself on the outside, there is no going back.

Never has the gentle wind caressed my face, nor has the sun shone brightly on me, leading me to my rightful place. Instead, I'm left to be consumed by this inalienable darkness, this restricting force that forbids me to breathe and dream freely. I know I've got an old soul. I also know how purely my aura glows. It's the only light that reminds me of how brave I've been these sixteen years, and how much pain I've gone through.

As I watch droplets of stardust rain down upon the slumbering city, I can't help but smile as the moon engulfs us all into her warm pools of serenity. It's times like these when I know I'm going to be alright.

Ugh

2004-05-25T15:12:00.000-04:00

It was just my luck that at the end of the day while I was walking down the stairs in school, going to the Junior parking lot, Brian was right in front of me. His arm was hanging around this girls neck and she had her arm wrapped around his waist. It made me want to cry and scream, all at the same time. I think I'm just jealous. I dunno. Maybe. It's all just really confusing. All I know is that I didn't want her putting her hands on him...weird eh?

So Avril's new CD has finally come out today in North America! I thought I would have time to get it before work, but I'll have to wait til after. That's all I could mainly think about the whole day lmao. How sad is that? But I really want it and I hate waiting! Grrr! Even though I've heard all the songs, and seen the pics that are going to be in the booklet, I haven't read the lyrics, or read the thank-yous. That'll be the best part! *sigh* Whoa. I just realized something...I don't think they ever released her single over here! Omg...somebody...please tell me I'm wrong lmfao. I've been wanting to get it for so long now. I'll have to check FYE this weekend I guess.

It's super hot in my room and blah...I have my hair all up in a messy style lmfao. It's hideous. Anyways...I'm going to go now. I have to pee and wait for my uniform to finish washing so I can put it in the dryer. Fucking work. I damn it to hell. Don't forget, Avril's on TRL today! I'm going to have my sister tape it for me...she's really my only hope. Sad ain't it? Lmfao. Oh well, at least I know I'll be able to see it when I get home. No wait, scratch that. I don't think I'm going to watch it when I get home. It'll be almost 11pm. I'll be way too tired and I've got a shitload of homework to do. I guess I'll have to skip the eating on my break and just work. Oh darn.../sarcasm. Come to think of it, I never did eat dinner last night either. And omg you know what? I despise eating lunch. I really do, but Christa makes me!

Bri's home! I gotta show her how to record. God help me teach her this.

Much love

Bored

2004-05-24T21:02:00.000-04:00

Stole this from Meli!

ABOUT YOU

1. What do you wish you had been named? I think Leila is a pretty name and I wouldn't have minded be named that.

2. What is the nickname most people call you? Megan, Meg

3. Do you plan to change your name when you're 18? Lmao I don't hate it that much

4. If you could become any age you wanted, right now, what age would it be and why? 21. That way I'm legal to drink alcohol, and be on my own.

5. What are your favorite colors? red/black/pink

6. If your first choice of careers doesn't work out, what would you choose as a "backup?" I want to be a zoologist, but if that doesn't work out, a record producer.

7. What holiday could you easily do without? Halloween.

8. Assuming you have a crush on somebody, what is it exactly that you like about him/her? Funny, sweet, nice the whole shabang.<---- what Meli said.

9. What singer or band can you imitate the best? I haven't really tried to imitate any band or singer lately.

10. If your life were a book, what genre would it be? What about it's rating (G, PG, etc)? Wow...if you had asked me this like two years ago, it seriously would have been rated NC-17. Now it's like PG-13.

11. Do you worry about finding your soul mate and getting married? I've already found my soul mate...the finding someone who loves me and will marry me is a little worrying.

12. If you could choose how to die, how would you? In my sleep.

13. If you were the opposite sex for a day, would you have sex with somebody of the same sex that you used to be (ex: if you're a girl and turned into a guy for a day, would you have sex with a girl, and vice versa for guys), and why/why not? Seriously, who the fuck would ask this kind of question?

FAVORITES

-Type of chocolate: regular?

-Eye color: blue

-Dog breed: collie

-Period in history: Don't know don't care.

-Word to use when you want to sound smart: Lmfao sadistic

-Candle scent: apple cinnomen...I totally didn't spell that right.

-Method of communication (in person, telephone, etc): Phone, MSN, and in person.

-Language: English

-Famous painting: This really pretty one from Monet
called "Parasal" (I think that's how you spell it)<---That's my favorite

-Weather: Sunny with a light breeze.

-Summer activity: tanning

-Winter activity: sitting on the porch drinking hot chocolate and watching the snow fall.

-Computer game: umm no.

-Boredom-buster: Music and Computer.

-Newspaper comic: lol none

-Section in a bookstore: The teen section with all those novels lol.

-Sex/romantic scene in a movie: i really don't know

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW (NOT JUST YOUR FRIENDS)

-The one you can stand for the longest amount of time: Laura

-Wears the funkiest socks: Christina Davis lmao

-The activist: I'm the only activist in the group

-The most boy (or girl) obsessed: Markish and Crys!

-The horniest: lmfao Whit...and Melissa A.!

-The one who you wouldn't care if they disappeared from the face of this earth: Markish

-The best musician: Amber and Tyrone.

-The overachiever: Christa, Jessica, and Meghan

-The DIYer: not sure.

-The worst taste in music: my sister...Laura can vouch for that

-Needs a life: oh golly that would be me.

-You absolutely couldn't live without: Laura

-The best singer: not sure

-The most expansive vocabulary: no one uses expansive vocabulary lmfao

-Has the niftiest house: Christa

-Has the prettiest handwriting: MELI!!! and Shannon

-Talks way too much: Melissa A.

-The one you truly worry about: there's a lot of people i worry about.

-Never gets sick, damn them: they all get sick

EITHER/OR

-Elvis or Madonna? Madonna

-Green or red? Red

-Sci-fi thriller or trashy romance? trashy romance

-Martial arts or yoga? Yoga

-Lollipop or Hershey's Kiss? Hershey's kiss.

-When you sleep, bedroom door open or closed? closed

-Jacket or sweatshirt? Sweatshirt

-Radio or CDs? Cd's

-Recliner chair or cushion on the floor? recliner chair

-Bunk bed: top or bottom? Top

-Handwriting or typing? both.

-Chicken Soup: huh?

-Ballet or jazz? ballet

IMAGINED SITUATIONS

1. If babies could talk at birth, what do you think would be the first thing they say? Finally, it's been dirrty in there.<---LMAO

2. If you could read minds, would you enjoy knowing what people were thinking, or would breaching their privacy bother you? Would you consider it a burden to know everyone's innermost thoughts? I would only like it if it's useful to me, or to know what's going on in certain situations not to ease drop.

3. Do you think you could survive in the Middle Ages? NO

4. If you knew as a little kid what you know now, what one situation would you choose to do differently? That's a hard question.

5. If you were given the choice to know exactly when, how, and where you would die, would you choose to know? And if you did choose to know, would you try and cheat death? No.

6. If someone came up with an elixir that made you immortal, would you take it? If you would, what would you do with all the extra time? If you wouldn't, well, why not? I wouldn't because I would get bored everyone has to die sometime.

7. If you were given magical powers to do just one thing, what would you do (besides giving yourself unlimited magical powers)? I would make it so that i could teleport myself anywhere.

8. If you could go back into history and change one thing only, what would you change? What do you think the repercussions of the change will be? I would change the way my parents acted.

Together

2004-05-23T13:05:00.000-04:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while! lmao I've been so lazy. Nothing much is going on actually...two more days! That's really all I have to say. Got a cell phone though!

Much love

Trust

2004-05-19T23:18:00.000-04:00

Shit happened at work tonight. To make a long story short, my friend Melissa joked me in front of five guys and they laughed and talked about it for at least five minutes. I don't hate her. She just doesn't have my trust anymore, which makes me think if I can trust anyone else ever again.

Happy

2004-05-19T15:12:00.000-04:00

Well, I've done two great things in two days! Last night, Brianna was being bitchy to my dad. I felt sorry for him because he had just got home from work and was stressing out about that. So I went in my room as he went into his to get on his laptop. Keep in mind that my room is right next to his.

So I get on the computer, put in my Yellowcard CD and switch it to a song called Life Of A Salesman. Here it is:

What's a dad for dad?
Tell me why I'm here dad
Whisper in my ear that I'm growing up to be a better man, dad
Everything is fine dad
Proud that you are mine dad
Cause I know I'm growing up to be a better man

Father I will always be
That same boy that stood by the sea
And watched you tower over me
Now I'm older I wanna be the same as you

What's a dad for dad?
Taught me how to stand, dad
Took me by the hand and you showed me how to be a bigger man, dad
Listen when you talk, dad
Follow where you walk, dad
And you know that I will always do the best I can
I can

Father I will always be (always be)
That same boy that stood by the sea
And watched you tower over me (over me)
Now I'm older I wanna be the same as you
The same as you

Father I will always be
That same boy that stood by the sea
And watched you tower over me
Now I'm older I wanna be the same as you

(When I am a dad, dad
I'm gonna be a good dad
Do the best you could, dad
Always understood, dad
Tell me I was right, dad
Opened up my eyes, dad
Glad to call you my, dad
Thank you for my dad)

Usually bands sing about how their father's ditched them and shit. My brother Eric played this for my dad a couple months ago and it made him cry. How sweet is that? Anyways, I played that song while he was in his room. About an hour later, he knocks on my door, and was like "Did you play that song for me?" And I nodded my head and smiled. He was like "Thank you." And he gave me a huge hug. Aw man I'm about to cry thinking about it lmao. It really made him happy.

I'm in Behind The Wheel as you know, where you drive around with another student and instructor. Well, Josh usually drives to where ever we're going and I drive back. On the way back, I'm like, can we please go see my mom? I wanna give her a hug. Since we're already going to go by where she works I figured it'd be a nice surprise for her. So he's like yea I guess, just make it fast. So I park the car and walk into Minnieland.{It's a child daycare center} And I walk in and I'm like is Patti here? And the women are like are you her daughter? And I'm like yea and I told them my name and one lady was like, just a moment let me go get her.

About three minutes past and my mom came out laughing and smiling and walking fast towards me with her arms open and I gave her the best hug ever. She was smiling so wide it was great. And then she came out to meet my driving instructor and before I left, I gave her another big hug.

When I got home from school a couple minutes ago, I was like, so I guess you liked the surprise? And she's like, that was one of the best hugs I've ever gotten from you, and I'd like another if that's okay. I was like yes! So I hugged her again. All in all, it's been a fucking great day. I have to go to work at 4 though but that's okay. Nothing's going to ruin my great mood!

MUCH much love!

Stupid Computer

2004-05-17T23:39:00.000-04:00

Ok this fucking sucks major fucking ass. My internet isn't working on my computer. I'm on the downstairs one, and I hate it because my dad hounds me about how long I'm on down here. Fuck him man. I dunno what happened to my computer, but it ain't workin. I only have a short time to update this, then I'm going to do some homework. Whoa, yea, I'm going to do homework lmao.

Today was alright I guess. Nothing special happened.I had to work today and that went good. It stormed though. I love it when it storms while I'm at work! I have nothing to say really so I guess I'll end it right here.

Much love

Tum De Dum

2004-05-16T18:39:00.000-04:00

Today was okay I suppose. Last night was hell though, but whatever, it's done and over with and I can't go back and change what I did. I got up today around 1:30 and went driving on the highway for the first time. It wasn't as scary as everyone made it out to be and I did quite well I think!

I have my algebra exam tomorrow and I just know I'm going to fucking fail it. There's no way I'll pass it. I hate math I hate it soooo much! I don't really know what else to say because nothign big happened. I'm feeling more tired lately and I don't know why that is. And now I'm hungry. *sigh* and I have to pee.

After I finish updating this I might just go and take a shower. Next weekend I want to go to the movies with Melissa and see 13 Going On 30. It looks like a really cute movie and I wouldn't mind seeing it! Lots of things are happening in people's lives nowadays and I realize that I'm not the only one who feels this way. But that doesn't make the pain go away.

I listened to Freak Out, Together, Fall To Pieces, and I Always Get What I Want. That song is so fucked up it's not even funny lmfao. I feel sorry for Avril and no wonder it's only a bonus track over in Japan. It sucked major ass. I love Together. It's so cute. Freak Out is my absolute favorite though. I dunno when the Don't Tell Me single is supposed to be out over here. I hope soon cuz I really wanna buy it.

I noticed that I jump around on topics in this and I hope it doesn't confuse you lmfao. If it does, get over it. I don't wanna go to school tomorrow. I just want to sleep for the rest of my life if that's alright. I work tomorrow. 4:30-closing. I hope they don't have me washing the dishes. I hate doing that. It's so boring and hectic and they complain that I don't wash fast enough.

Ricky is doing just fine. He's the cutist little thing ever. I love him so much lol. He's so small too and he likes to attack my feet. It tickles, but then again it just annoys the hell outta me because I can't take my eyes off him for one second. I'm so very tired. Have I said that already? meh whatever. I'm done updating this thing for right now. Maybe more later tonight. If not, then tomorrow after work, or before work.

Much love

Blah

2004-05-16T04:36:00.000-04:00

How do you like the new look? Very *chic* eh? Lol I love that word. It took me almost an hour and a half to get it looking like this, and I'm not even finished. I still have to add a background, and make it so that it scrolls! I want my blog to be pretty, and I hope it's just that right now. Anyways, I'm dead tired. I am, so I think I'm going to head off to bed. Ok, I lied, I'm tired, but I don't want to go to sleep at the moment, I'm just done messing around with this thing for right now.

Much love

Stupid

2004-05-15T21:00:00.000-04:00

*Sigh* I went to work today around 10am and didn't get home til about 5. It was a long and busy day and now I'm just really tired. Have you ever had those days where someone says or does something to make your heart literally hurt and your stomach drop? I hate it how my ex can make me feel like that whenever he's around me. I thought, that maybe, when I was finally able to get away from him, things would get better, but they're just steadily getting worse with each passing day. There's only so much verbal abuse you can take, before it finally starts sinking into your head, your body...your soul. It's like you're a sponge, soaking up all the anger that he spills. But what happens when you can't soak up any more?

That scar on my stomach is almost gone now, and I'm glad too. It was embarrassing. I didn't wear a bikini last year during summer because of it. I'm just...I have that feeling in my stomach again when I think about it. Meh, this is a shitty update, but I don't really give a fuck.

Much love

There's gotta be more

2004-05-13T22:40:00.000-04:00

Just got back from work! How fun eh? Lol. We were really busy. So now I'm just sitting here updating this thing and listening to Stacie Orrico. She's got a great voice, I really like it. Can you tell I really don't have anything to say? Lol. I love my blog. All I gotta do now is learn HTML lmfao and make it better. *sigh* That'll take a while. All this FTP crap is annoying.

11 days til Avril's new CD!!!!!

sigh

2004-05-11T23:16:00.000-04:00

Today was super busy at work. I didn't end up leaving there til around 10:30pm.

I took my World History SOL. I hope I passed it. That's the one I'm real worried about. I have my Algebra SOL Monday. I'm really nervous about that one too. I know I passed my Biology SOL. Lol. Everytime I say I know I passed something, I end up failing it. Oh well. What can ya do? Nothing. Ha. Anyways, I'm gonna get my second hole tomorrow.(ear piercing for the not so bright ones lol) Then I'm gonna get a third hole in one ear. Cute eh?

I'm in Behind The Wheel now. Where you drive a car around with an instructor. Yea. I have to take it for three weeks! And today, I wanted to slit his throat. I'm not very good at parallel parking, because I don't do it that often, and he's fucking picky about it. Just cuz it wasn't perfectly straight, he had me do it over and over again and he kept pointing out all my mistakes. I'm determined to prove to this asshole that I can parallel park better then his grandma can chew on raw carrots. Oooh he makes me so angry.

I'm having a rough time. It's that time of the month, and I swear I'll forever hate it. It makes me feel so blah. Like today, I was all pissy at my parents, and I got mad and yelled at my mom while she was taking me to work. I wanted to break down and cry because I was so sorry that I had done that to her. I love her so much. I seriously really do and I hate when I get like this. I started to cry, but she didn't notice. And then she asked me how my day went, and all I could say, was "It was blah." I'm such a fucking lame ass daughter. I swear I am. I'm getting upset now just thinking about what I said to her.

"I thought we were just hangin out|So why'd you kiss me on the mouth?"

Much love

Carly

2004-05-10T19:58:00.000-04:00

Ok, so Carly acted real weird today, but everyone has their little spasms. From now on, I'm going to tell her I love her every single day, and make sure she's knows it.

I LOVE YOU CARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First Entry

2004-05-10T15:49:00.000-04:00

Ok, well, this is my first entry in this blog! Woohoo! I want to make it look pretty so I'll definitely be working on it!

Much love